It’s almost been a million miles.

I recently discovered I haven’ t moved far from the place I was in a few months ago.  And so I decided to pack up my things and find a new place to settle.  I didn’t know exactly where I wanted to go, but I did remember a place I passed by over a year ago.  So, last week, I found myself in a place that has some familarity, but it’s mostly full of newness and unknown.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never really known where I wanted to be one day.  Some love that sort of thing, while I would much rather know, settle, and call it home for a long time.  Or so I think.  There is a newfound part of me that enjoys the adventure and very small doses of the unknown.  Unsure of what I have to lose, I set out to climb my Inca Trail.

It’s really because of you.  Yep, you, as in the person reading this writing.  For some reason, I believe I have something to say and for some reason you agree.  And so you read and leave comments from time to time.  Those comments are rich nuggets I’ve been collecting over time and I’ve finally decided to do something with it.  Your words have been a light as I’ve wandered in unlit places.  So to everyone who has taken the time to share the ways this writing has warmed you or has encouraged your pursuits towards what really matters in life, thank you.  My next steps up this steep mountain could not be done without your love.

With the deepest support from my best, I’ll be taking some big steps in unknown territory.  I want to do more with these words on a page and courage is required.  I’ll be writing more and making it a larger focus in my life so I can truly do what I love, full time.  This means you might be seeing weekly trends with this blog, slight changes & updates, and broader range of categories. 

I can’t do this without you.  Please continue to read and to share your thoughts.  And if you leave inspired, I’d encourage you to send a link of inspiration to another person.  And if at anytime, there is a topic or theme you’d like to see on this site — don’t keep it to yourself.  Encourage me to grow. 

As I continue to climb this mountain and begin embracing difficulty in the terrain, I will hold steadfast to the reason for my words.  Because it isn’t what a man does that really matters; it is why, and that makes all the difference.

It’s almost been a million miles and I’m going to keep climbing.  Because I know the people I meet along the way have a story to share and I have to be there to tell it.

 

Her name is Linda.

While on our honeymoon in St. Lucia, Jason & I agreed we needed to take some time to step outside the resort and explore a bit of the culture on the island.  On Wednesday, (the only day it rained) we got in a van with another couple and made our way to a fishing town named Castries where the Marketplace was located.  We were so eager to catch a glimpse of what life could be like for the residents of St. Lucia.

We walked up and down rows of vendors.  As in most places, they sell everything.  We decided it would be fun to find a piece of art for our home that would remind us of our trip.  We were drawn to a variety of faceless statues.  Some were wood and others were stone, but they were so unique.  Intentional about using our Dave Ramsey negotiation skills, we gathered information across the building on the cost.

Meanwhile, we walked down an aisle where a woman was singing old church hymns.  We commented on her joy that accompanied her song and started a brief dialogue.  We continued browsing, but realizing we were running out of time, we knew we had to make a decision on which statue to purchase.

We ‘randomly’ walked down the same aisle where we encountered the joyful lady.  As we stood behind her, she started singing a song I haven’t heard since I was 10 years old.

“He touched me.  Oh He touched me.  And oh what joy that floods my soul.  Something happened and now I know, He touched me and made me whole.”

Immediately, the song reminded me of my mom.  This image from 17 years ago entered my mind.  I saw her standing in church, just belting out this song as if every thread of her being believed the words to be so true.

I rested my hand on this lady’s shoulder and I said, “That song reminds me of my mom.  I haven’t heard it in years.  Thank you so much for singing it today.”

She gave me a hug and smiled as she passed along a blessing.

Shortly thereafter, we walked outside to meet the other couple and our driver.  Still somewhat emotional about the moment inside, she walked up to us with a bag in her hand.  She asks, “Is you mother still alive?”  ”Yes,” I respond. “Then I want you to give this to her.” She replied.  ”My name is Linda.  Please pray for me.”

I gave Linda a hug and thanked her for the incredible blessing.  She smiled and walked back inside.

In disbelief at what just happened, tears flooded my eyes.  We could have spent hundreds of dollars on things to remind us and friends of St. Lucia (much like the couple who came with us did), but nothing could have been purchased to mean what the gifted hand carved wooden vase means to me.

There is something so special about gifts.  You can never buy that feeling you get when someone gives you something special to them.

 

with everything.

A familiar tune plays through the car speakers,

“Open our hearts,
To see the things
That make Your heart cry,
To be the church
The You would desire.
Light to be seen.

Break down our pride,
And all the walls
We’ve built up inside,
Our earthly crowns
And all our desires,
We lay at Your feet.”

And suddenly, I’m reminded that in my deepest days of unknowning — it isn’t about me.

It’s not about the wedding I’m planning or the job I would love to have.  It isn’t about health insurance reconsideration or searching for the perfect place to live.

“So let hope rise,
And darkness tremble
In Your holy light,
And every eye will see
Jesus, our God,
Great and mighty to be praised.”

Maybe this time has more to do with the bigger things. 

My 17-year old small group girlie got baptized on Sunday.
My family has taken some BIG steps towards healing.
My sweet friend texts about the peace in her heart after a conversation we shared.

I almost missed it. Stuck in the mirror, worried about the number of hairs on my head, I almost missed the celebrations of a lifetime.

“With everything,
With everything,
We will shout for your glory.”

 

Summer on the Lanai

I recently spent some much needed time in my favorite place in the world.  I travel there often, but not frequently as I would like.  And when I get there, I am reminded that it is always the most refreshing place to visit.  Sometimes I think it’s the constant sunshine that makes me smile, while other times it’s the familiarity of an old place that makes it feel like home. 

And so it’s that time of year again.  Year 7.  This time by myself.  Books full of stories fill the pages and as I pick up one of those books every year, the stories I read this time were bittersweet.

I read a page and my heart sang like it did the summer I spent on the lanai.  It started singing the day we unexpectedly drove past that lanai this April.  Headed for either Chic-fil-a or a Slurpee from 7-Eleven (easily my two southern favorites), I recognized the tune and without hesitation, I joined in the song.

It was on that lanai when I first understood that God wanted me to be something that I’ve never been.  Still underlined in purple, the summer of 2003 defined my life and I’ve never been the same.  I hear the words I read on the page, “Don’t lose heart in the process.”

There are few days when I “get” the last few months.  But the same peace I had that summer, six years ago, is real for me again today.  “Abide in me.  Fret not.  Bank your faith in the character of God. Keep paying the price.” 

So that I may know Him.

It must be why I love to revisit this place that will always be held as markers of spiritual definement in my life.  I know I will always find what I’m looking for because I pursue it with eager anticipation. 

It’s a sacred place where life is refreshed every time.  He never disappoints.

 

But, I must live.

I read it and immediately realized the truth in it.  “Jesus says that the great care of the life is to put the relationship to God first, and everything else second.”  I’m guilty.  I’ve spent more time contemplating my next career move and how to plan a fabulous autumn event than I have spent seeking first the kingdom of God. 

“Honesty leads to confession, and confession leads to change.” (The Celebration of Discipline).

I confess that often times, God is not first, second, or third.  I sing the words to a song, “In all the world there is none but thee, my God, there is none but thee.”   Sometimes my heart wanders and my attitude follows close behind. 

I have to make this relationship a dominating concentration in my life.  I see what I am when I am not as I should. 
And then I begin to live on memories. 

The word of God must be always living and active in me.

 

Beautiful Hope.

Her given name was Huang Mei Pan (may pan).  Days old and left in a box outside the doors of an orphanage was her beginning.  Spend a few hours in my office after 3 pm and you’ll be convinced South Asia gave up a precious jewel. 

She answers to Sarah most of the time, but within moments of a Mei Pan discussion in her presence, she will start responding as if you’re talking about her.  Of course we’re not talking about her, but we are referring to the inspiration she gave us last July. 

Julie sold more jewelry off her body than anyone I’ve ever met.  Nearly 34 visits to South Asia and countless containers of unique, one-of-a-kind pieces of personally designed jewelry, combined with hours spent holding children in orphanages and visiting elderly in old people’s homes; it only made sense to make it official.

Mei Pan was our inspiration because it translates into “Beautiful Hope.” 
It’s really our heartbeat. 
To bring beautiful hope to the world, one life at a time.

And so we incorporated and began development of a company who holds tight to their mission:  Deliver a low cost high quality genuine product that most women love.  Jewelry.  Authentic materials and unique designs listed at a great price-point in order for us to accomplish one goal:  keep costs low so we can bring back as many dollars as possible to help increase the standard of living, among those in orphanages and old people’s homes. 

Much like a caterpiller and it’s transformation into a beautiful butterfly, we want to bring beautiful hope to others so they can know the same transformation for their lives.

“Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”  James 1:27

Long days of decision making and policy writing get tough, but knowing we’re doing this to bring beautiful hope to the world, makes the growing pains less intense.

We’re a work in progress, but check us out: www.meipanjewelry.com
The next time you’re craving some new jewelry, know that by your purchase with Mei Pan, your dollar isn’t helping the rich get richer, but is going to help make life less difficult for another person somewhere around the world.  And check back often, we have lots more to get on that e-store.

Sarah laid on the couch in my office yesterday laughing hysterically.  I thought, “She is such the story of beautiful hope.  Someone must have been inspired when they named her Mei Pan.”

 

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”

I made a list – 7 of my favorites.  They came quickly.  Memories.  Stories.   Events.  Lessons.   I marked each envelope accordingly and sealed each one shut.  I held the stack of envelopes, one for each day, for a few minutes as I recalled some of the things I appreciate most about pops.

• Riding around town in his sweet red convertible topped him on the charts of the coolest dad ever.  It only got better when he let me drive it when I earned my license.
• He read my name as I walked across the stage to receive my high school diploma.  An awesome perk to having my dad as a teacher.
• I love bedtime stories because pops always told them the best. 
• My dad can fix ANYTHING. 
• I can go to him for advice on anything — he always has answers to all of my questions.

He flew to Arizona today.  By himself.  He told me yesterday he’s never traveled alone in his 59 years.  I think he’s looking for fresh energy.  Escaping Minnesota winters for warm climates will do that for anyone.  But I think he’s on a quest and I hope the next 7 days will bring him some answers.

At times I’ve grown weary in the last few months — frustrated and maybe confused.  My heart wasn’t used to feeling this way.  Unsure of what the story could become, I knew I had to keep at it.  So, I wrote down 7 of my favorites and delievered them to pops before he left.  Uncertain of what he would think, I trusted they would be life, encouragement, and love to him on dark days.

I guess I was surprised to receive a call from him this morning.  “Thank you for the sweet note today,” he said with lightness in his voice.  “I love you.” 

Encouragement is great for other people, but it is so necessary for ourselves to participate in the act of encouraging as well.  Because for me, in the few moments it took to write down some favorites to share with my pops, I felt what I hope he will feel when he reads them.  Refreshed.

“Sometimes when it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”
And then, it’s all you see.

 

Beauty in Brokenness.

Other than the Martha Stewart magazine that arrives in the mail for me each month, my favorite piece of mail is edged in red, white, and blue.  It’s an envelope that is clearly beat up from the journey it’s taken in the last month to get to me from Mozambique, Africa.  Inside, I find correspondence from the Area Development Program Community of Namanjavira where my sponsored child Felizardo lives.

I picked up my stack of mail off the counter, momentarily wishing I would have checked the mail earlier in the week.  As I typically do, I open my mail in an order of determination; always saving the best for last.  Never disappointed, I carefully opened the envelope from World Vision.

Pictures immediately fell from the packet and I resisted the urge to look at them before reading the letter.  In anticipation, I quickly read the first page and in its contents, I am encouraged.  I flip to the next page of the packet.  It’s a letter from Felizardo.  He says,

“With that gift you addressed to me, we decided to buy a bicycle that will help us for transport, transporting me from place to place, specifically from school to home and so on.  Now the problem is solved.”

I paused.  The months since my trip to Africa have been difficult.  Every day, I’m caught in between.  Wrestling with the questions of what’s next, thinking and praying for Felizardo’s family, thinking and praying for my own family who is wrestling with tough days of heaviness and uncertainty.  Every day I fight for the hope I witnessed 10,000 miles from my home to be as alive in the story I tell today.  My heart has ached more in four months than any other time in my life.  Sometimes it seems I feel the hurt and pain others are experiencing and I fight for hope; a beautiful hope that will sustain and offer strength and peace along the way.

I pick up the pictures that fell from the letter.  I closely examine the three pictures, not wanting to miss a detail.  The bike is brand new, still wrapped in plastic.  Felizardo stands next to the bike in the same outfit he wore when I met him.  “Funky, Original, Cute, Little Dude.”  The shirt, shorts, and shoes are his best.  I flipped through the three pictures a few times.  I stopped at the first picture again.  I wondered if the woman next to Felizardo was his mom or sister.  She was clearly wearing her best too.  Her heels were white as if they’ve never been worn.  I noticed the necklace around her neck and then was drawn to the bracelets around her wrist.  I paused again.  They looked so familiar.  I remembered.  My Dad, Mom, & I made a bunch of beaded bracelets before I left for Africa.  I put a few in the bag of gifts I brought for Felizardo’s family.  She was wearing both of them.

Seeing the bracelets in the picture meant more to me than seeing what the family purchased as a result of a monetary gift I sent one day.  There is no doubt my travel to Africa has changed my life.  As I sit here today, unsure of the stirrings in my heart and what they mean, I rest confidently that there is beauty in brokenness.

As a bicycle may have solved a problem in their life, those bracelets on her wrist in those pictures, blessed my life.  It’s a unique relationship, one I wish everyone could experience.  It will change you.  It will break you.  It will fill your heart with compassion where some days, all you do is ache to find the beauty in your brokenness.

Today, I was reminded again of the beautiful hope we share.

 

safe to just be.

“And God,” she continues, “Can you remind her how much we love her?  Can you help make her heart whole so she can come back soon?  I ask that you help her today and tomorrow and all her days to come.  Losing your dad is hard and I ask you’ll be with her and love her and bring her back to us.”

This is what I love.  People who start to believe hope is real.  People who are willing to be real and share how they really feel.  I love creating a place where people feel safe to just be.

I’m not quite sure what got into her this week.  She prayed for everyone in the room and let everyone else have a turn then her heart told her she had more to say.  With my eyes closed, I felt my heart smile.  I listened to her words and wished I could have recorded them for our friend she was praying for.  The few months her dad was given, was replaced by a few short weeks.  She stands firm today, giving God the glory for his perfection, especially as it brought Ellie closer to the cross.

Ellie closes, “And God, thank you for these girls and for this place I can come every week where I know people love me and want to see me  do well in life.  I’m so glad they’re here to help me.”

This is what we’re all about.  Understanding life is hard for most people, most of the time.  But you’re not alone in the places you feel stuck.  We were never meant to do life alone and our dream is to be a community where hope and love writes a better ending.

Together, we’re inviting people to come find life, find freedom, and find love.

We believe the best is yet to come as we create a place — safe to just be.

 

my sack of stones.

Somewhere between yesterday and today, a few stones were thrown into the sack I drug with me out the door this morning.  It’s considerably heavier today than it has been all week and it’s starting to weigh me down.  I think I’m afraid I won’t be able to pick it up off the floor to bring back home with me at the end of the day, so I’ve been sitting with it on my lap for the last seven hours.

I’ve collected quite a few rocks in my sack over the last few weeks.  I picked some up when I was home for Thanksgiving, I was given a few when I first heard the tragic news from a friend.  Every time I read the updates, I toss a few more in the sack.  The phone calls and messages from another friend, full of despair weighed the sack even more.  And today, the realities of the new home industry have laid heavy, right on top.

A few weeks of carrying this increasingly heavier sack has made me grow weary.

But Jesus says he is the solution for weariness of the soul.  “Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads and I will give you rest.  Accept my teachings and learn from me because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives.  The teaching I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light.”

I know he’s waiting for me to give him my sack.  I know I’ll be glad I did.  Those near me will be glad I did as well.  It’s hard to throw stones when I’ve left my sack at the cross.