August 25, 2009
Today is your birthday.
With another year of life upon you, I pray all of life’s greatest joys to be yours.
That you would know love deep enough that it would penetrate your soul and allow you the freedom to sing and to dance.
For the hope we share is alive and is extended to you. May you reach for it and let it transform your life.
So this year, will be like no other.
Happy Birthday Felizardo. Happy Birthday Pops.
Your lives have made a significant difference in mine.
April 29, 2009
I originally posted this writing a few years ago. Suddenly, I understand it so much differently.
I subscribe to a weekly email newsletter through Radiant Magazine (www.radiantmag.com). The article I read this morning was incredible and I think there is an important message for all of us. I hope you enjoy as much as I did.
A Diamond’s True Beauty By Felicity White
Part of the creative genius of God is that He seems to have encoded little messages to us in the most unexpected places. One of my favorites comes from the half-carat diamond in my engagement ring. I’m not sure if I fell in love with this diamond because it came from the guy of my dreams or because it is the single most expensive item I’ve ever owned outside of my Corolla, but this diamond has illustrated more valuable lessons to me than anything I’ve learned from the trendy self-help books decorating my bedroom shelves.
The messages started with a simple revelation. In the days following my engagement I was acutely aware of my left hand. Did I always bang it on the bathroom stall like that? Had I always dragged it along the stairway railing as if it were barely connected to my body? I noticed every time I bumped into one of my student’s desks or fumbled with my cell phone in my purse. I started having crazy dreams involving the discovery that the ring was a fake. I knew this because it would crumble in my fingers like a clod of dirt or shatter on the ground in a million pieces. I would awake in a panic, find my perfectly intact ring on the bedside table and laugh at myself. I took the ring off for showers and for my frequent applications of antibacterial hand lotion.
After a few weeks of this obsessive behavior I started to get the picture. Nothing was happening to my diamond. I would carefully check it over for scratches or any sign of damage, but I realized that I wasn’t going to find anything. This gem was made for a lifetime of wearing—jewelers knew what they were doing when they decided which precious stone should become the symbol of every American male’s undying love. I got the message—this diamond is not just beautiful; it is a symbol of strength and endurance.
I took the lesson to heart for my own life. I started imagining myself as that little gem: beautiful, mysterious and strong. I became so interested that I started studying diamond websites and actually checking out books at the library about the history of diamonds and their cultural significance. This has been fascinating and enlightening. I’m more convinced than ever that God gave us diamonds and other rare rocks as reminders of the kind of women He wants us to be. After all, Peter refers to believers as living stones, and John’s description in Revelation of the City of God includes costly and precious stones, not gray slabs of dull rock.
The real beauty of a diamond is found on the inside. We love the fireworks and tiny rainbows created when light hits the stone, but those are just the effects of good clarity and the right cut on the inside of the diamond. Clarity means the diamond itself is free of flaws and inclusions, little non-diamond particles that can’t even be seen with the human eye. You have to look through a special jeweler’s loupe to even see these inclusions, but a diamond with a lot of flaws won’t produce sparkle like it should. Just like the sins and weaknesses in our character, these inclusions block light and muddy what should be crystal-clear material.
Clarity and cut are important criteria for deciding how much an individual diamond is worth. A small diamond with few inclusions and a perfect cut will cost more than the bigger carat with hidden flaws or an inferior cut. The cut is a precise, scientific process that involves perfect angles and dimensions to achieve maximum light reflection. I imagine it like the sometimes difficult path of discipleship: It can be time-consuming and painful, but the results are well worth the effort. Even when offered a diamond a few tenths of a carat larger than the one I received, I stuck with the stone that stood out from the rest on that little square of black velvet on the jewelry counter. It just had more sparkle. I didn’t know then that it was because of its clarity and balanced cut that this particular diamond projected so much more light than even the larger ones nearby.
This pretty stone has demonstrated to me that the life of beauty I want on the outside starts on the inside. If things are out of sync in my depths, it shows on my surface. To reflect the light of Jesus as remarkably as He shines it into my life in the first place, I have to be willing to examine my soul for clarity and submit to the cuts of discipleship. When I believe in and act upon these simple messages from my diamond, I learn to reflect His light with brilliance to a dark world. I become a rare rock living life from the inside out.”
Thank you Felicity for sharing your inspiring thoughts.
March 4, 2009
I made a list – 7 of my favorites. They came quickly. Memories. Stories. Events. Lessons. I marked each envelope accordingly and sealed each one shut. I held the stack of envelopes, one for each day, for a few minutes as I recalled some of the things I appreciate most about pops.
He flew to Arizona today. By himself. He told me yesterday he’s never traveled alone in his 59 years. I think he’s looking for fresh energy. Escaping Minnesota winters for warm climates will do that for anyone. But I think he’s on a quest and I hope the next 7 days will bring him some answers.
At times I’ve grown weary in the last few months — frustrated and maybe confused. My heart wasn’t used to feeling this way. Unsure of what the story could become, I knew I had to keep at it. So, I wrote down 7 of my favorites and delievered them to pops before he left. Uncertain of what he would think, I trusted they would be life, encouragement, and love to him on dark days.
I guess I was surprised to receive a call from him this morning. “Thank you for the sweet note today,” he said with lightness in his voice. “I love you.”
Encouragement is great for other people, but it is so necessary for ourselves to participate in the act of encouraging as well. Because for me, in the few moments it took to write down some favorites to share with my pops, I felt what I hope he will feel when he reads them. Refreshed.
“Sometimes when it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”
And then, it’s all you see.
November 9, 2008
Cheri leaned over and whispers, “He looks like Aldo.”
They told us they probably wouldn’t be at the lunch with the 40 children sponsored by people who attend Eagle Brook.
Colleen points to a little girl on the bench and says, “She really looks like the pictures I have of Dacia.”
I scan the benches with an idea of what Felizardo looks like. Surely, they are not here. My eyes stop on a little boy sitting in the very last row. I wonder if that’s him, I thought.
Meanwhile, a World Vision manager stands with a list in her hands. As if she overheard our whispers, she walks to the second row and reaches for the hand of a little boy in a power ranger shirt. She walks with him over to us and Cheri’s excitement begins to grow. “I think that’s him, that’s Aldo,” she says to me. Quickly, my eyes begin to fill with tears. “Is this really happening?” I wonder.
Aldo stands in front of Cheri as she touches his arms. I look over at Matt and he has just met both of his children. Mark and Dale are reunited with their kids they’ve met on a previous trip to Mozambique. I shifted my weight on the chair that was sitting awkwardly in the dirt. Looking at Colleen, we both began to laugh at the fullness of that moment. Someone calls my name and I turn around and before me stands this precious little boy whose name is Felizardo.
Immediately, I am lost for words. His big eyes look at me as either one of us really know what to do in that moment. I can’t take my eyes off him. I introduce myself to him and he gives me a thumbs up as his eyes look to the side. His shirt read, “Funky. Original. Little Dude. I AM CUTE” I laugh. It’s the most perfect shirt he could have worn. I laugh as I tell Cheri, “That’s how I talk!” I wipe the tears away as they slowly overflow from my eyes. We take a quick picture to try and capture our first meeting.
We had no idea we would be meeting our children at this lunch. It was among many, unexpected surprises and blessings World Vision prepared for us.
We spent the rest of the afternoon playing with all of the children. Cheri and I sang our well-rehearsed round of “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes,” while the faster we sang, the harder we laughed, and the more fun we had that afternoon.
Meeting Felizardo and spending most of the next day with him and the rest of our team and their kids was beyond incredible. As Felizardo and I were laughing, kicking and bouncing the soccer ball back and forth, I said to Cheri, “Are we really in Africa, playing soccer with our sponsored kids?!”
After our first meeting, I wondered if Felizardo would warm up to me and if we could build a connection with each other despite age, color, and language. It didn’t take long for those smiles to come once we started playing with the soccer ball. It was probably hours, but it didn’t seem that way — I could have played catch and bounced that ball the rest of the day, but we had to say goodbye. With help from our interpreter, we exchanged a few words. Among those words from Felizardo came three words I’ll never forget. He says, “I love you.” My heart swells with fullness. “I love you too,” I respond, as I find myself getting choked up by three words that meant more to me in that moment. I give him a big hug and watch him get into the van. I wave and my eyes begin to fill with tears again.
I watch the van leave the site and I suddenly remember why I chose his card off that table one February weekend. He had such big, bright eyes, and as the van drove away, they were looking back at me.
I will never be the same. And, I don’t think he will either.
September 17, 2008
She walked in with a red and white flowered jacket on. Always looking her best, she scanned the room in search of something, or rather, someone. I caught her eye, we met half way, and then she gave me the biggest, fullest hug ever. She held tight, enjoying the moment. She whispered in my ear, “I’m so glad you’re alive.” She held tighter as she recalled that one day, 13 years ago.
My bro & I spent the weekend at my cousins house –making potions and making our 3-year old cousin Michael try our not so tasty treats. The six of us thought it would be fun if we gave Michael rides in the couch. So, we pulled out the hideabed, laid him in it and folded it back down. All of us were laughing and taking turns; entertaining ourselves as we always did at my Aunt’s house.
Later that weekend, when my parents left for a graduation party, my bro & I thought it would be fun if we gave our own rides in the couch at our house. I, being the older, braver sister — decided to go first. I crawled in as I had many times that weekend and Eddie folded me in and down. A few seconds later, I called out to him that he could pull me out. He nervously said to me, “I’m trying!” I tried not to panic even though my air supply was dimishing as my face was surrounded by sheets. A few seconds later, Eddie encourages me “Don’t go anywhere! I’ll be back with some help!” He ran next door to get Mr. & Mrs. Johnson. However, the gradual wearing out of their bodies prevented them from pulling me out, so they did the next best thing. They called 911. By this time, I was able to adjust my neck and breathe through the metal frame of the couch. Then, I hear, “There is an 11 year old girl stuck in her couch!” I yelled from the couch, “I’m 13!” Minutes later, the sirens stop in front of our house and what seemed like a dozen firemen came downstairs. They attemped to pull me out a few times and quickly realized the bed was lodged in the corner. “We’ll try one more time, then we’ll have to cut the back of the couch out.” Thank goodness they tried one last time. I was finally freed from the couch, vowing to never give rides in it again.
No doubt my bro & I learned our lesson. My dad told the story to all of his high school classes for years. I was embarrassed. But now, 13 years later, it definitely tops the list of best Gallagher stories of all time.
Mrs. Johnson took a step back and looked me in the face with tears in her eyes. “You almost didn’t make it that day. You wouldn’t be here right now, celebrating life with your family.” She touched my face as tears started to well-up in my eyes. “I am so glad you’re alive.” And she pulled me close for one more hug.
Mrs. Johnson has not only been the kindest neighbor we had growing up, but she has always made us feel like family and that this world would be so different if the Gallagher’s were not part of it.
September 12, 2008
“I never in my heart ever wanted to give it all up.
I understand.
Sometimes I get tunnel vision and I only see what is in front of me and I am unable to see the bigger picture.
Because of your strength and your trust in God, unlike me lately, you have been able to focus.
I have forgotten the many things you’ve done for me. The ways you allowed me to be in your life.
How much you’ve loved, given, and prayed.
All those times. It was because you did.
I realize now, why you invest so much into your relationship with God.
He makes you whole when you’re empty. He loves you when you feel you’re not loveable. He forgives when you’re at your worst. He is there when you are loneliest. He makes you tall when you are small. You know everything is going to be alright even when things couldn’t be any worse. You know deep down, God has a plan and you’re not afraid. He makes you strong and keeps you together, even when you think you’re falling apart.
I was up all night. Talking with God I suppose. Today I told him that I was going to try to trust him and that I was going to keep on walking, trusting that he would guide in the right direction. I felt a little less alone this morning. I felt a little spark inside me this morning when I was talking to him. Im trusting and hoping maybe that was his doing. Im trusting and hoping he will clear the fog, give me clarity and the strength to walk in the right direction whatever that may be.
Lately I have been praying to God, to guide me, to direct me, or to give me some kind of sign. Maybe I havent been looking hard enough and the sign is right under my nose. Im not even sure anymore. Sometimes I feel like im waiting. Waiting for something. And I just dont know what Im waiting for. Its like this feeling inside me wanting to, break out. I can feel it right now, right in my chest. Its feels like this living thing inside me, and its waiting for the right moment to show itself. The feeling is strong and some what powerful. Sometimes at the right moments I can feel flow through my veins, but then it fades. It flows when I see, hear, and feel certain things, sometimes all at the once. Its a feeling thats feels so right, like you were meant see, hear, or feel it at that very moment. So right in fact, It sends shivers down my spine, and leaves me with goose bumps.”
It isnt’t what, it is why.
His journey. Many steps.
We’re all still becoming.
Each day. One foot in front of the other.
Doing life and writing stories.
You know who you are.
Keep laughing. Keep dreaming. Keep living. Keep walking. Keep exploring. Keep loving.
August 14, 2008
I went on a quest to get creative on a special day. The more I thought about her reaction, the more excited I became. I called my mom to tell her my plan. I stopped by Flowers at the Park and arranged a small vase of some favorites. The hot pinks, reds, and greens reminded me of something out of a Martha Stewart magazine. It was perfect. I drove to work and as soon as I peered in the door, I saw her sitting behind the desk. “Happy Birthday tomorrow!” I exclaimed with flowers in hand. “It’s actually today!” She responded with a big smile on her face. “Good thing I’m on time!” I said, handing her the colored assortment. We laughed as we typically do and we unpacked the vase and picked a place where many could enjoy the sweet smells for the day.
I didn’t expect her to be sitting at work already and I didn’t realize today was actually her birthday (I thought it was tomorrow). If I was in her shoes, today would be a rough day. With little kids at home and a sudden divorce on the horizon, I decided there had to be a way to make her day bright. This birthday was going to be a little different as life has changed much in the recent months, so I decided it was a quest of mine to bring some joy and sunshine to what could’ve been a cloudy day.
I haven’t seen her smile so big in months. As I drove away, my heart was lightened. I smiled and could hardly contain my happiness, I had to update my mom to let her know how the plan unfolded. As I think about her smile and the joy I felt knowing that her day was a little sunnier, I realized, this celebration of life has to continue.
Life is too short not to stop and smell the flowers.
Happy Birthday friend!
June 3, 2008
I have some of the greatest friends in the world. We have been through some of life’s greatest moments together. Graduations, travels, engagements and weddings. But some of my favorites with my besties are those times when you realize that time, distance, and life change doesn’t do what most would think it does, when in fact it strengthens the bond of friendship. We’ve been through some tough times together and after spending five days with them to celebrate Tommy & Amy’s wedding day, I am reminded of the life-long bond we share. Amy, Di, & I sat in the living room one night and talked for hours. We laughed, we cried, and we sat in silence for a while – and to me, it was one of the best conversations we’ve ever shared. For the first time, I was sure of the depth of our relationship. Knowing they were some of my best for the last 8 years, there were things I was afraid to let them in on — things I thought would create a divide between us. But, thanks to God for His work in my life, I am shown the undying love of my closest, especially in my most difficult times. And again, for the first time, the confidence of our friendship experienced a new depth. These girls lives reflect the love of Christ through the strength of their character. I am blessed to call them my bests.
April 10, 2008
In six months, my brother and his wife will get to hang their first picture on the wall. They are expecting their first child in October. It suddenly became real and exciting and I felt protective of this life as if it were my own. I walked through the aisles of the baby department eager to find the perfect gift for this one we have yet to meet.
As I read websites and baby blogs, I am reminded of the miracle of life and its incredible design. This is what I learned today (www.pregnancy.org):
Week Twelve:
Spring is here and there is new life growing. A sweet new blossom of humanity.
February 12, 2008
With Valentines Day just around the corner; love is in the air. There are articles and blogs all over the internet for gift ideas for him or her, cheap but fun dates, and Valentines Day tips for singles. Some dread the holiday, while others, well, love it. I came across a letter today, from a husband to his wife. It touched my heart in a special way and gave me hope, that this year this couple is choosing to celebrate each other, their history, the good and the bad, and everything yet to come.
Happy Valentines Day to a very special couple.
To: My Wife
Date: February 11, 2008
Is love never having to say your sorry? Then we have failed. Although, failure breaths success. The commitment you make to love, honor and cherish each other until death … though good times and bad. And there will be bad times but they’re not just words being said or used. That intrinsic understanding you have of each others wants and needs. True love endures through it all and I have found that person of 26 years, 2 months and 24 days ago this Valentines Day and life couldn’t be better.
Happy Valentines Day, Love
