You are my sunshine.

I wasn’t really sure what I thought I was going to find, but for some reason part of me fell apart when I looked in the crib and saw the old and tattered elephant.  I gently picked him up and in perfect rhythm to my heart, the music inside it chimed, “…when skies are grey.”

It was as if the last 27 years of my life flashed before me and memories began to flood my mind.  There were summer days when we looked down the street and saw pops cruising in the red convertible on his way to pick us up from school to head to the beach.  I thought about the fishing trips and the times he wrote the things he was thankful for in a letter to each of us at Thanksgiving.  I remembered high school graduation and the moment when he read my name as I received my diploma.  Though I gave him “our” sign for I love you, I still wish I would have given him a big hug — right there, in front of everyone to see.

As a few of us stand on the edge of tomorrow, uncertain of what will come to be — I remember the rest of that song the elephant failed to chime a few days ago.

“You are my sunshine
my only sunshine.
You make me happy
when skies are grey.
You never know dear
how much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

I grabbed the stuffed toy as I stood frozen in a moment, hearing the song on repeat as my child voice sang along with pops all those times so many years ago.  Maybe it was an effort to hang onto the good times or maybe it was an effort to not lose hope.

Either way…

“Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

 

Her name is Linda.

While on our honeymoon in St. Lucia, Jason & I agreed we needed to take some time to step outside the resort and explore a bit of the culture on the island.  On Wednesday, (the only day it rained) we got in a van with another couple and made our way to a fishing town named Castries where the Marketplace was located.  We were so eager to catch a glimpse of what life could be like for the residents of St. Lucia.

We walked up and down rows of vendors.  As in most places, they sell everything.  We decided it would be fun to find a piece of art for our home that would remind us of our trip.  We were drawn to a variety of faceless statues.  Some were wood and others were stone, but they were so unique.  Intentional about using our Dave Ramsey negotiation skills, we gathered information across the building on the cost.

Meanwhile, we walked down an aisle where a woman was singing old church hymns.  We commented on her joy that accompanied her song and started a brief dialogue.  We continued browsing, but realizing we were running out of time, we knew we had to make a decision on which statue to purchase.

We ‘randomly’ walked down the same aisle where we encountered the joyful lady.  As we stood behind her, she started singing a song I haven’t heard since I was 10 years old.

“He touched me.  Oh He touched me.  And oh what joy that floods my soul.  Something happened and now I know, He touched me and made me whole.”

Immediately, the song reminded me of my mom.  This image from 17 years ago entered my mind.  I saw her standing in church, just belting out this song as if every thread of her being believed the words to be so true.

I rested my hand on this lady’s shoulder and I said, “That song reminds me of my mom.  I haven’t heard it in years.  Thank you so much for singing it today.”

She gave me a hug and smiled as she passed along a blessing.

Shortly thereafter, we walked outside to meet the other couple and our driver.  Still somewhat emotional about the moment inside, she walked up to us with a bag in her hand.  She asks, “Is you mother still alive?”  ”Yes,” I respond. “Then I want you to give this to her.” She replied.  ”My name is Linda.  Please pray for me.”

I gave Linda a hug and thanked her for the incredible blessing.  She smiled and walked back inside.

In disbelief at what just happened, tears flooded my eyes.  We could have spent hundreds of dollars on things to remind us and friends of St. Lucia (much like the couple who came with us did), but nothing could have been purchased to mean what the gifted hand carved wooden vase means to me.

There is something so special about gifts.  You can never buy that feeling you get when someone gives you something special to them.

 

Happy Birthday to you.

Today is your birthday. 

With another year of life upon you, I pray all of life’s greatest joys to be yours.

That you would know love deep enough that it would penetrate your soul and allow you the freedom to sing and to dance.

For the hope we share is alive and is extended to you.  May you reach for it and let it transform your life.

So this year, will be like no other.

Happy Birthday Felizardo.  Happy Birthday Pops. 

Your lives have made a significant difference in mine.

 

peace.

I opened the cupboard Saturday morning and reached my hand to grab my favorite mug.  Yet, it was missing and a larger, white one was in its place.  I pulled it down and filled it with warm water to take the chill out of the air.  I wrapped my hands around the large white mug and leaned against the counter.  I was alone in the house I grew up in for the first time in years.   As if time stood still, I caught myself thinking about all of the stories these walls could tell, if they could indeed talk.

The weather was typical of this place up north.  Usually chilly and overcast, it was a welcomed break from the sweltering heat of the last week, 150 miles from here.  It’s days like these when staying in is all I need to slow down and enjoy the day without any agenda to accomplish.

As if it was my daily routine, I walked into the sunroom with my coffee mug in hand and stood in front of the windows.  I paused and looked around the yard and then continued through the dining room and into the living room.  I sat down in my favorite chair.  It’s in that chair, I’ve had some of the best conversations of my life.  It’s in that chair, I’ve read some of my favorite books.  Bringing the mug to my face, I looked out the front window.  It was the glass that captured the reflection from my mug.

I rotated the mug in my hand and this is what I read:

“peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”  (unknown)

Captivated by such a profound statement on a mug I found in the cupboard, I read it again.  As I sipped from it, I considered the thoughts of the one who regularly enjoys their favorite warm beverage from it.  I wondered if that person was reminded of hope each time they held this mug.

This mug is the newest addition to the cupboard.  It sits among the other pieces of ceramic that were acquired when matching dishes were purchased, gifted, or brought home from a favorite vacation destination.  This mug is unlike the others.  It doesn’t match any set and is the only one of its kind.  But it sits on the third shelf in the very front, on the edge as if it gets used, washed, and put away just about every day. 

The phrase printed in black was a subtle reminder that we can go a long way with encouragement.  That with hope, the never-ending feel of a situation begins to diminish.  That the peace Jesus left was his parting gift to us.  He didn’t leave us the way we’re used to being left — abandoned, but He left us well and whole. (John 14:25).  Over and over the Bible says, “Peace to you.”  Romans 15 says it best as I think about the relevance of the day, “May the God of great hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!”

With one more sip remaining in this mug, I tilt it forward and savor the finality. 

I walk back into the kitchen, slowly wash the mug and dry it off.  Holding the mug as if it were a fragile life, I open the cabinet to return it to its newfound place.  This time, turning it around so the words would inspire the next one who would open the cabinet door.  I turn around and lean against the counter and smile.  Myself, at peace, confident the one who drinks from this mug the most, is a fighter.  There is calm in her heart.

 

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”

I made a list – 7 of my favorites.  They came quickly.  Memories.  Stories.   Events.  Lessons.   I marked each envelope accordingly and sealed each one shut.  I held the stack of envelopes, one for each day, for a few minutes as I recalled some of the things I appreciate most about pops.

• Riding around town in his sweet red convertible topped him on the charts of the coolest dad ever.  It only got better when he let me drive it when I earned my license.
• He read my name as I walked across the stage to receive my high school diploma.  An awesome perk to having my dad as a teacher.
• I love bedtime stories because pops always told them the best. 
• My dad can fix ANYTHING. 
• I can go to him for advice on anything — he always has answers to all of my questions.

He flew to Arizona today.  By himself.  He told me yesterday he’s never traveled alone in his 59 years.  I think he’s looking for fresh energy.  Escaping Minnesota winters for warm climates will do that for anyone.  But I think he’s on a quest and I hope the next 7 days will bring him some answers.

At times I’ve grown weary in the last few months — frustrated and maybe confused.  My heart wasn’t used to feeling this way.  Unsure of what the story could become, I knew I had to keep at it.  So, I wrote down 7 of my favorites and delievered them to pops before he left.  Uncertain of what he would think, I trusted they would be life, encouragement, and love to him on dark days.

I guess I was surprised to receive a call from him this morning.  “Thank you for the sweet note today,” he said with lightness in his voice.  “I love you.” 

Encouragement is great for other people, but it is so necessary for ourselves to participate in the act of encouraging as well.  Because for me, in the few moments it took to write down some favorites to share with my pops, I felt what I hope he will feel when he reads them.  Refreshed.

“Sometimes when it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”
And then, it’s all you see.

 

Mrs. Johnson

She walked in with a red and white flowered jacket on.  Always looking her best, she scanned the room in search of something, or rather, someone. I caught her eye, we met half way, and then she gave me  the biggest, fullest hug ever.  She held tight, enjoying the moment.  She whispered in my ear, “I’m so glad you’re alive.”  She held tighter as she recalled that one day, 13 years ago.

My bro & I spent the weekend at my cousins house –making potions and making our 3-year old cousin Michael try our not so tasty treats.  The six of us thought it would be fun if we gave Michael rides in the couch.  So, we pulled out the hideabed, laid him in it and folded it back down.  All of us were laughing and taking turns; entertaining ourselves as we always did at my Aunt’s house.

Later that weekend, when my parents left for a graduation party, my bro & I thought it would be fun if we gave our own rides in the couch at our house.  I, being the older, braver sister — decided to go first.  I crawled in as I had many times that weekend and Eddie folded me in and down.  A few seconds later, I called out to him that he could pull me out.  He nervously said to me, “I’m trying!”  I tried not to panic even though my air supply was dimishing as my face was surrounded by sheets.  A few seconds later, Eddie encourages me “Don’t go anywhere!  I’ll be back with some help!”  He ran next door to get Mr. & Mrs. Johnson.  However, the gradual wearing out of their bodies prevented them from pulling me out, so they did the next best thing.  They called 911.  By this time, I was able to adjust my neck and breathe through the metal frame of the couch.  Then, I hear, “There is an 11 year old girl stuck in her couch!”  I yelled from the couch, “I’m 13!”  Minutes later, the sirens stop in front of our house and what seemed like a dozen firemen came downstairs.  They attemped to pull me out a few times and quickly realized the bed was lodged in the corner.  “We’ll try one more time, then we’ll have to cut the back of the couch out.”  Thank goodness they tried one last time.  I was finally freed from the couch, vowing to never give rides in it again. 

No doubt my bro & I learned our lesson.  My dad told the story to all of his high school classes for years. I was embarrassed.  But now, 13 years later, it definitely tops the list of best Gallagher stories of all time.

Mrs. Johnson took a step back and looked me in the face with tears in her eyes.  “You almost didn’t make it that day.  You wouldn’t be here right now, celebrating life with your family.”  She touched my face as tears started to well-up in my eyes.  “I am so glad you’re alive.”  And she pulled me close for one more hug.

Mrs. Johnson has not only been the kindest neighbor we had growing up, but she has always made us feel like family and that this world would be so different if the Gallagher’s were not part of it.

 

In the 25th year.

As I sit on the eve of another birthday, I am amazed at where I am in life.  I had a friend tell me yesterday that I have more on the tip of my finger than what 90% of people have in the world.  I am blessed.  I am fortunate.  Life is great.  It can be tough, but it’s great. 

I have lived this year with more joy & life.  Some of the highlights include:

One of my closest friends got married & two of my other close friends got engaged.  I have found a love for writing and have since decided to write a book.  I met Ty Pennington & was so blessed to work on the Extreme Makeover House in Minnetonka in August.  I have found a new niche with interior design.  I was accepted to grad school, but decided the timing was exactly right yet.  I started working as a swim instructor with F.S.S.  It has challenged me more than any single thing in my recent years.  I began the journey to overcome my fears & insecurities by admitting my weakness through an ultimate desire to change who I am.  I have grown close to a friend who shares in the desire for freedom in an area that has held her much longer than it’s held me.  She has challenged me to be more like Christ in ways she’ll never know.  This year, I was told I am going to be an Aunt.  I am excited to love this little person and I can’t wait for this life to be born.  I decided it would be ok to travel on my own and to explore life rather than waiting for someone to join me.  I went to my first movie by myself & it was a definite hard moment, but not so bad.  I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and started exploring new opportunites all around me. 

This 25th year of life has been one of growth and love.  My heart has been expanded and challenged.  I’ve made a lot of progress in some areas, but have found loss in others.  I have lived, loved, & laughed a lot.  I have been inspired by a group of teenagers who love Christ and love people.  I have learned a lot of new things about who I am becomming.  I love who I am and the ways God is shaping my heart to be more like His.  I refuse to stop dreaming just because I can get easily caught up in lack of direction or in the feeling of being rejected.  I’ve grown to love Jesus in a more intimate & personal way.  He has changed me so much and I am so thankful for His never-ending grace & love in my life.  The cry of my heart is to bring Him praise.  You can have all this world, but give me Jesus. 

I continue to learn I will fail & I will fall short.  But this, I will remember:

“I get up.  I walk.  I fall down.  Meanwhile, I keep dancing.”

Happy 26th.

 

As sure as the sun.

I am completely confident in the advice I gave a family member last week.  So confident in fact, that I emailed him today to remind him of a day that will come in the future.  It may be 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years — but the day will come and I am sure of it.

I was thinking about some encouragement a friend gave me yesterday — the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  Yet, as much as I want to believe and hold onto that encouragement — there are real parts of me that struggle with doubt.

Hmmm, it’s the area with the least amount of trust for sure.

So, why is it easy for me to be confident in the advice I give, but difficult to be confident in the advice I receive?  To each of us, we are confident in the message we give — we offer hope and sunny days.  Maybe it’s because they can see things that we can’t.  Because to them, they’re on the other side — able to see the big picture, where we, are still peering through the mist, waiting for the sun to shine.

And it will. As sure as the moon in the night sky.  As sure as the sun that warms the day.

 

All because two people fell in love.

In six months, my brother and his wife will get to hang their first picture on the wall.  They are expecting their first child in October.  It suddenly became real and exciting and I felt protective of this life as if it were my own.  I walked through the aisles of the baby department eager to find the perfect gift for this one we have yet to meet. 

As I read websites and baby blogs, I am reminded of the miracle of life and its incredible design.  This is what I learned today (www.pregnancy.org):

Week Twelve:

• Vocal cords begin to form – While perhaps not quite ready to be introduced to the nearest opera stage, your infant will use these immediately following the moment of birth.
• Those precious eyes begin to move closer together.
• Ears shift to their normal place on the side of the head
• Intestines move farther in to your child’s body
• His or her liver begins to function – Responsible for cleansing the blood, storing nutrients, and providing needed chemicals.
• The pancreas begins to produce insulin
• Guess what? Your baby’s average size is now at a whopping length: 2.13 inches (5.4cm) and weight: 0.49 ounce (14gm) 

 Spring is here and there is new life growing.  A sweet new blossom of humanity.

 

Love Letter.

With Valentines Day just around the corner; love is in the air.   There are articles and blogs all over the internet for gift ideas for him or her, cheap but fun dates, and Valentines Day tips for singles.  Some dread the holiday, while others, well, love it.  I came across a letter today, from a husband to his wife.  It touched my heart in a special way and gave me hope, that this year this couple is choosing to celebrate each other, their history, the good and the bad, and everything yet to come.

 

Happy Valentines Day to a very special couple.

 

 

 

To:                                             My Wife

 Date:                                         February 11, 2008 

Is love never having to say your sorry? Then we have failed.  Although, failure breaths success.    The commitment you make to love, honor and cherish each other until death … though good times and bad.  And there will be bad times but they’re not just words being said or used.  That intrinsic understanding you have of each others wants and needs.  True love endures through it all and I have found that person of 26 years, 2 months and 24 days ago this Valentines Day and life couldn’t be better.

Happy Valentines Day, Love