it isn’t what. it is why.

One of my youth group girls posted this note and I thought it was so great, I needed to re-post it.
Thanks Danielle!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
- Marianne Williamson

I walked into the room and saw the bag full of baby items.  I set the basket on the table and began to rifle through the bag.  It was loaded with baby essentials — enough to get any first time mom started off on the right foot.  A few girls (aided by a challenge from the stage) began a quest to meet the need of a girl they walk the halls with at school each day.

She’s pregnant.  Alone, and surrounded by unstable conditions at home and in school — these girls began to wonder what they could do to bring a bit of hope her way in the midst of a really tough situation.  Given $20 to figure it out, the challenge quickly grew when they shared their hearts the following week with a room full of teenage girls who are not waiting on the world to change.

One girl immediately chimes in that she will donate another $20 and it’s followed by another commitment to do the same.  Excitement started to build as together, they began to dream about the possibilities of what they could do for this person in need.

Their innocence shed convicting light that they cannot contribute to the darkness any longer.

And so they listed the things they have yet to purchase and their deepest hope is to be able to provide a car seat for this new mom.  The girls in the room confidently declared this is their act of love for this girl few of them really knew.

I think sometimes there are little flames inside all of us and what we need is someone to come along the side of us and fan it.  I sat back for a moment while we exchanged stories and experiences and smiled.  Watching most of these girls the last four years transform into beautiful ladies who want nothing more than to leave an eternal impact on this world.

It must be the feeling parents get with their kids grow up and explore life on their own — hoping they’ll continue to make the right decisions and hoping their deepest motivation in life comes from a divine call of God.

That’s how I feel about these girls I often term so affectionately as mine.

In two weeks, they will deliver a basket full of love to a lonely girl trying to get through the next few months.  Our hope is that this act will brighten many lives — not only for the duration of the light bulb, but for all time — in the reflection of the sun.

We walked out the door towards her car when she thanked me for being unemployed.  I laughed and said, “Well, it definitely has it’s good days!”  She laughed and responds with, “Today, I’m glad you were home.”

I wasn’t quite sure what I thought of her when I first started working with her.  Personality conflicts sometimes get the best of two people trying to get to know each other.  But, we pushed through it.  And I’m so glad we did.  Because today, we’re no longer two people who work together, but we’ve become those friends who have started to get comfortable, getting uncomfortable.

Like so many families, couples — married and single, she’s now facing life on her own.  Thought I’m unsure of what the next days will be like –  the territory seemed familiar.  Not for myself, personally, but in helping someone walk into tomorrow with confidence.  I began the process last week with some of my deepest loves in  life.  I’ve really realized that loss in relationship, no matter what the length of time has been, hurts.  It hurts the deepest part of your being.  Grief is difficult. 

I looked at her from across the table as she was getting ready to leave.  And I thought, “I can’t wait to see where she ends up.”  I thought for a brief moment how our friendship developed and how she has been a huge blessing in my life.  And then I thought about all the people praying for her at church.  A bunch of people who truly hope she finds life for her life.

The unknown of her future excites me.  And then I thought, thought it may be over, it’s not really over.  Life awaits these two beautiful ladies who hit an unexpected bump in the road.  I can’t wait to see where their paths lead.

And for that, I’m thankful for today and the opportunity I had to be a friend.  We need each other during those times we hit unexpected bumps.  To help pick up the pieces, to catch our breath, and to smile knowing we’re not alone.

Simple concept, I know, but not always easy.

I wasn’t really sure what I thought I was going to find, but for some reason part of me fell apart when I looked in the crib and saw the old and tattered elephant.  I gently picked him up and in perfect rhythm to my heart, the music inside it chimed, “…when skies are grey.”

It was as if the last 27 years of my life flashed before me and memories began to flood my mind.  There were summer days when we looked down the street and saw pops cruising in the red convertible on his way to pick us up from school to head to the beach.  I thought about the fishing trips and the times he wrote the things he was thankful for in a letter to each of us at Thanksgiving.  I remembered high school graduation and the moment when he read my name as I received my diploma.  Though I gave him “our” sign for I love you, I still wish I would have given him a big hug — right there, in front of everyone to see.

As a few of us stand on the edge of tomorrow, uncertain of what will come to be — I remember the rest of that song the elephant failed to chime a few days ago.

“You are my sunshine
my only sunshine.
You make me happy
when skies are grey.
You never know dear
how much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

I grabbed the stuffed toy as I stood frozen in a moment, hearing the song on repeat as my child voice sang along with pops all those times so many years ago.  Maybe it was an effort to hang onto the good times or maybe it was an effort to not lose hope.

Either way…

“Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

Day encounters with people are part of a world unseen by many.  Since most people work and the majority of people who don’t work, have kids — lots of people miss out on the world experienced by the rest.  When I take a moment to leave my small world of figuring out my future, I step into a world where I wish I would find myself more often.

I stopped at our favorite Red Box location.  Hesitant to step into the bubble of the older man who was hovering between the box and the new release sign, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he was picking out a movie.  Confused, he excitedly replied, “Oh no sweetie! I don’t rent movies, I buy them!”  I laughed as I thought how expensive his habit could become.  At that moment, we began a 20 minute discourse about movies.  I learned Silver has 10 rubbermaid bins full of dvds at home.  He buys 4-5 dvds a week — but only on “New Release Tuesday.”  He recommended I save my money on Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, but I really should see The Proposal.  As with people in general, I observed some funny quirks of this older man who wishes he had grandchildren.  After all, he always buys the kid movies too…just in case.

But then Silver said something that will stick with me.  I asked him why he buys movies he’s never heard of when he could rent them for much cheaper.  He responds, “Well, I don’t work anymore.  What else am I supposed to do with my time?!”  We both laughed, but I felt a piece of my heart break for him.

According to Silver, he buys 4-5 movies a week at $17 (roughly) a piece.  That is $340 a month.

He grabs my arm and says, “It was a pleasure to meet you Karianne.  I hope to see you around here again sometime.”  And so I began to think about Silver as he rolled his cart out the door and loaded his purchase into his shiny white Escalade.

It was an interesting interaction that probably wouldn’t have happened outside of the working day and yet, it was so challenging.  As I consider the dreams and visions for my life, I am reminded of the huge opportunity before me to live for myself or to pursue others in intentional ways.

I hope I run into Silver at the Red Box again.  If I do, I’ll know it was a God moment — designed for me to leave Silver inspired with a sense of hope.  Who knows, it’s one mile of a million, but if Silver finds more than the latest movie he doesn’t own, the author of my story will smile at the wonder of His people who decide to do something that awakens another.

It was the end of a really long day.  The array of our various plans had all changed in the moment I received a phone call asking me if we still wanted tickets.  I make a call to my best and exclaimed the surprising news that came four hours in time.  Suddenly, we jumped into an intense mode to speed up two of the three arrangements we originally had in place and still hoped make happen. 

No matter how fast we functioned to accomplish our goals, it was a failed attempt and we found ourselves sitting around, waiting to leave for the big show.

Hours later, after a six-block run through the rain and many uncontrollable yawn sequences, we were back in the car, heading to our final destination.  He looks at me and asks, “What would be one high and one low for you today?”  I respond without hesitation, “My high is finding you tickets and being able to go with you tonight and my low is definitely how exausted and chilly I am after tonight.”

I looked over at him and asked the same question.  He responded with, “My high is being able to go to the show tonight and my low is…” 

I cannot remember what he said his low was.  But then he continued…

“One day, I really hope to be able to say that my high for the day is about the time I spent reading God’s word and praying.”

I’ve thought about that comment for the last four days.  Do I desire the same thing for my life?  How do my actions shape where I place my daily value for something ‘high’ in my life?  What do my actions say about my focus and motivation for living?

May today be one step of many in the direction I want to find myself one day. 

And, a continued dialogue of our daily highs and lows will help shape our perspectives of where we are and where we’re headed.  It could be our daily purposeful tradition we begin.