it isn’t what. it is why.

It was a really long conversation with a friend I met three years ago.  Throughout the phone call, I caught myself wondering if I had the same desires and concerns when I graduated high school.  I’m sure I did — and sometimes, there are striking similarities, nearly eight years later.  It’s usually without a thought that I offer advice and encouragement to others — without any doubt, believing truth for their life.  It was recently when I started to realize I frequently believe things are true for everyone else, but myself.  As Sara continued to pour out her heart about wanting all the right things in life, I recognized a new thought.  I fully believed  the promises of God are for her, as much as they are for me.  I ended the conversation with hope, sure of what I told her was true for both of us.  It’s taken a long time to arrive at this place of contentment.  Each day is a new day.

“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits and in His word I put my hope… Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him there is full redemption.”  Psalm 130:4,7.

As I was cleaning out my bag today, I found an unopened fortune cookie.  I opened it and read, “Good things come to those who wait.  Be patient.”

I rarely take that way home, but that day, I decided to change up my route.  The weather was hot and my day at work was finally over.  I jumped in my car and ran an errand for work and headed home.  I can almost guarantee I was singing at the top of my lungs to my new favorite mix I titled, “The Change.”  About one mile on the interstate I started to smell rubber.  On the side of the road was a smoking tire.  It was obvious it was recent.  I looked around and saw an older blue car with a white haired lady sitting in it.  I took my nearest exit and circled around again.  I never do this sort of thing, but something was tugging at me to stop this time.  I decided to keep Becky company until help arrived.  It had easily been 40 minutes since we first called for highway help.  Still, nobody else stopped.  She looked at me and asked, “Why did you stop, don’t you have somewhere to be?”

I didn’t really know why I stopped.  I just did it.  I’ve had enough car problems to completely understand how anyone feels when they’re stuck on the interstate.  Especially when you’re from out of town, like she was.  I told her, “Sometimes it’s nice just to have the company of someone who understands your frustration.”

We laughed and talked about some of her dreams for the day she graduates culinary school.  Highway help finally arrived and I said goodbye, hoping I helped brighten her day during an incredibly upsetting situation.  And I know about those — I used to drive a Neon!

I continued onto my next stop.  Talked to some of my swim co-workers and some of the parents from my swimmer’s last session.  We laughed a lot and caught up on life’s happenings. 

Life was alive.  I walked into small group excited to be living.  At that moment, there wasn’t anything too big or too great that could really make me feel any different. 

There’s been a change.  And it feels really good.

Today was the first day of the new session.  I looked at my schedule and quickly scanned for familiar names.  There were none.  I jumped in the pool and called for my first group of students.  That is, my first group of Little 1’s.  Out of seven classes I teach on Saturday, five of them were the same level.  Kiddo’s aged 3 & 4 and in the enrollment today, four of those classes contained students who have never had a swim lesson ever.

But then 10:30 rolled around and I realized that one of the two non-Little’s class was actually an adult class.  The other end of the spectrum and I had never taught an adult class before.  I quickly gathered this husband and wife had zero swimming history, but since their kids were learning how to swim, they decided they should as well.

I did some intro skill testing and observed the evidence of zero swimming history.  There was significant struggle to make “splashy kicks” and if they were unable to touch the bottom, I would have had a situation on my hands.  I restrategized some drills and modified my approach to help them gain confidence in the water.  We swam multiple lengths with flippers and kick boards and then I taught them some freestyle arms.  We did the drill with the board a few times and with 5 minutes remaining, I decided we should try to put everything we learned today, together.  I demonstrated what I wanted to see and acknowledged the apprehension on their faces.  With a big breath of confidence, he began his stroke with his kick. 

He swam!  He did it! 

He came up for air and stood on the bottom of the pool and looked at me and I gave him a big high-five with a smile on my face.  I was so proud of him.  I called my coordinator over to watch him swim back to the bench.  Together, we praised and encouraged his hard work.

At the start of the lesson, I was nervous.  I was unsure about a few things.
At the start of the lesson, they were nervous.  They were unsure about a few things.

But we kept on trying.  At the start of the lesson, they couldn’t kick or stay afloat. 
At the end of the lesson, they swam over 1/2 the pool by themselves.

I congratulated them on a successful completion of their first 30 minute swimming lesson.

They said to me, “We know nothing is impossible.”
I said to them, “I believe it.  Nothing is impossible.”

They had more guts than a lot of people in this world.  They walked into a room full of little kids and their parents and said they wanted to learn how to swim.  They got into the pool with a teacher 10 years younger and clearly demonstrated zero swimming skills.  Most would never force themselves to get uncomfortable in this way and most would die never knowing how to swim.  But not this couple.  Their eagerness and desire to want to be able to swim with their children may have cost them their pride in a room full of adults, but they gained so much.  I’m excited to see their growth over the next 12 weeks.

Their courage and humilty is to be admired.

I am confident this will be my favorite class this session.

I’ve been able to put my finger on it for a while now.  It made perfect sense that the things I’ve been reading, writing, listening to, and talking about have led up to making this decision.  Every year at this time, I trap myself as I spend a few days comparing life today, with life in June of 2003. 

At that time, I just completed my first semester as a transfer student.  Looking back on it, I still think it was the most difficult 15 weeks of my life.  Most days were trying and it seemed few found it worth their time to get to know me.  The experience marked me.  I packed up my car on the last day and moved home, knowing I wouldn’t go back.

I moved to Florida that summer.  On June 8, I read, “God wants you to be something you have never been.”  On June 12, I read, “Make no conditions, let Jesus be everything.”  I sat on the lanai that night, transformed by the workings of God in my life.  I was completely content in being certain of one thing, in an uncertain world.

I look back on those days each year and I would agree some years were better than others.  But, as I turned the page today and flashed-back to 2003, I decided I couldn’t do it anymore.  If I was going to choose to live, those hurts and disapointments, mistakes and poor decisions of the last 5 years would have to die.  I realized this year I tend to be a perfectionist.  When I’m not the best, when I don’t succeed, and when I make a poor decision — I am my own worst critic and my biggest disapointment.

I read 284 pages of Half-Life/Die Already  before I really identified with anything Mark Steele said. 

He writes,

“In many ways, it would have been easier to settle for a half-life.  No one would have ever discovered the stuggles, faults, failings, and frailty of my human existance.  It would all have died with me in the very end.  I could have smiled and waved. Smiled and waved.  I would have kept all my fans.  And I would somehow have crossed the finish line without ever being truly known or understood.  I would never be certain that the real me would have been accepted.  I would never know how wonderful the full life could have been.  This is exactly why I had to die already.  I had been playing dead, playing possum, rolling over with my feet in the air and tongue hanging out, praying the poundings would stop, never realizing that without pain I could never fully live.  Refinement, character, selflessness, vision, confidence, a mission.  These will not exist without the pain urging them forward.  Enough pain to change, enough pain to die.  The time to die has finally arrived,” (285).

Tenth Avenue North wrote in one of their songs, “Please don’t fight these hands that are holding you.”  Some days I fight harder than others and it’s made me weak.  I can’t fight anymore.

The only way to find life was to die.

Because I am ready to live I know what I must do.

Every day of my life, for as long as I choose to live.

Steele, Mark.  Half-Life/Die Already.  Colorado Springs, 2008.

Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?

Have you ever stopped to think about the areas in your life that are difficult to trust God with?  Think about the worries that often create anxiety:

• Will there be Social Security when I retire?
• Will I get married?
• Will I be able to support my family on this income?
• Most of my family has died of cancer, will I get it too?

It’s easy to worry when we trade the creator for the creation.  Insanity is defined as, “losing touch with reality…believing the lie is real.”  Dr. Tackett with The Truth Project considers worry & anxiety to be common insanity.  Since we believe the lies.  Lies are powerful.

Our actions reflect what we believe to be really real.

If we really believed that what we believed is really real, we could turn our world upside down.  We wouldn’t have trouble praying, we’d have trouble getting up.  We cannot gaze upon the face of God and not be deeply impacted.

When you say you trust Him, do you trust him even in those areas that create worry or anxiety?

Can you trust the promises of God?  All of them?

Do you really believe that what you believe is really real? 

*The Truth Project: www.thetruthproject.org/

It’s always been interesting to me how you and I can both have completely different perspectives on the same situation.  It’s even more interesting to me, the rationale behind our attempts to make sense of the situation.  Often enough, most of us take a step back and wonder why God allowed something to happen, why two people crossed paths or how the situation would be different had you responded in a way other than what you did.  We wonder if we’d be happier, more secure, or if we missed the boat all together.

It is more natural for me to think I missed the boat when really, I arrived on scene a little early.  Like the time I arrived at the Orlando airport.  I made my way to the gate and saw the departure time for my destination was in 5 minutes.  I looked at my ticket and thought for a second I almost missed my flight — to be reassured my scheduled flight would be departing in one hour.  Another plane would be arriving shortly and that would be my way home.  Whew! There is nothing like the feeling you get when all you want is to be home and something is standing between you and your final destination.

I remember a few years ago when a friend landed the job of his dreams.  He turned and he looked at me and said, “Why are you not living your dreams?  There is no reason why you should not be doing what you love, right now.”  For months, I felt something was wrong with me — why couldn’t I figure out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be?  Some friends and I joked a few weeks ago that finding “the dream job” was the quest of my life, and to be honest, some days it does feel that way.

But then I look around me.  I can’t help but see the ways I’ve grown and the ways I continue to be challenged.  I see growth in my small group members, my youth group girls, and my little swimmers.  The 2007 – 2008 school year has been one of the toughest.  I’ve experienced a lot of unknown in 9 months, but it has also been some of the richest 9 months of my life. 

June 1 was the last of any major event on my calendar and that was 10 days ago.  I caught myself thinking the other day that I’m completely unsure of my next move.  I don’t know what is around the corner.  But this I do know, “People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole. Steady on their feet, because they keep at it and don’t quit.  Depend on God and keep at it because in the Lord God you have a sure thing.”

I’ll admit it’s easy to get caught up in the things of life — the things that everyone else is doing or experiencing, except you.  But instead of thinking you’ve missed the boat, just think you’re a little bit early for your departure.  Your plane will arrive. The boarding order will be announced and before you know it, you too, will be on your way. 

It may not be your final destination, but that’s ok because each step along the way prepares you for the moment when you realize everything prior to this, was designed with you in mind — for this very moment.

I have some of the greatest friends in the world.  We have been through some of life’s greatest moments together.  Graduations, travels, engagements and weddings.  But some of my favorites with my besties are those times when you realize that time, distance, and life change doesn’t do what most would think it does, when in fact it strengthens the bond of friendship.  We’ve been through some tough times together and after spending five days with them to celebrate Tommy & Amy’s wedding day, I am reminded of the life-long bond we share.  Amy, Di, & I sat in the living room one night and talked for hours.  We laughed, we cried, and we sat in silence for a while – and to me, it was one of the best conversations we’ve ever shared.  For the first time, I was sure of the depth of our relationship.  Knowing they were some of my best for the last 8 years, there were things I was afraid to let them in on — things I thought would create a divide between us. But, thanks to God for His work in my life, I am shown the undying love of my closest, especially in my most difficult times.  And again, for the first time, the confidence of our friendship experienced a new depth.  These girls lives reflect the love of Christ through the strength of their character.   I am blessed to call them my bests.