it isn’t what. it is why.

Things didn’t really unwind the way I had rehearsed in my head for days.  My gifts for them were saved for last.  One person made the comment they didn’t know how to unwrap such neatly wrapped gifts and another quickly unwrapped it, tried to pronounce what country the product was made in and then tossed it on top of the other gifts.  The last one opened their gift and suddenly everyone was enamored with the contents written on the pages.  Though it wasn’t intended for everyone to read, I concluded people would eventually read it and I guess the decision was left as, do I want to read it aloud right now, or let people snoop in anticipation for some juicy information to only be disappointed with what they’ve read.  We opted for the latter.  As I quickly thought of a transition to my announcement I’d been waiting the last 6 weeks to share, the moment was abruptly disturbed and the mood was lost.  I closed my planner and claimed I had nothing left to say.

Maybe it was the way it was supposed to happen.  Because, rather than some philanthropic announcement — it will remain a secret.  One that I share with you and the One who gave me the dream.  What’s left is the accountability to fulfil it. 

As for now, as someone very brilliant once said, “What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other.”  Merry Christmas to my family.  I’m glad we have our simple traditions where I provoke my bro and he uses his police man skills to make me stop, where my mom prepares amazing meals (even if we joke otherwise about them), and my dad — well, he’s an interesting sort of person — I’m never quite sure what we’ll get from him.  And Beck, for her patience to put up with my bro  Thanks mom, it will be a never-ending joke among all of us.

I think I might go shovel the driveway for my parents.  It’s much more tempting than another Christmas movie on Fa, La, La, La, La, Lifetime.

Merry Christmas.

I taped the last flap of the wrapping paper on the gift and after I double checked the bow was secure, I sat back with anticipation for the response I’ll receive when she opens the it.

This year, I completed 90% of my Christmas shopping in a few hours and I proudly brag that I accomplished it all before Thanksgiving. 

I think I’m in the Christmas mood.

As I struggled to find a way to define Christmas this year, I arrived at a conclusion that still makes me a little nervous.  Every gift I purchased was considerably less than what I typically spend.  I’ve decided to take the difference in cost and donate it to an organization that is making a real difference.  I’m not really sure how it will be received by a group of people who love gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I love gifts too, but I’m seriously getting tired of cleaning out my closet and making piles of things that are like new that I’ve hardly used.

It’s apparent things don’t make people happy, no matter how hard we try.  Some people have Christmas every few weeks, especially when the newer or better version is released.  I’m convinced a close relative of mine has a money tree growing in their back yard.  Since I’d like to have just one branch, I often find myself guilty of succumbing to the same temptations on a regular basis. 

My friend puts it best in his blog (mothandrustdestroy.blogspot.com) that he is “Fighting to treasure Christ in a world full of idols that seek my attention.” 

There is a poster hanging in our main office that reads,
“Don’t waste your life.  Be saved from the American Dream.” 

Considering again that I am the 107,565 richest person in the world, I think I can play a larger role to better the lives of other people.  And if that means spending less money at Christmas in order to give other’s an opportunity for a Christmas, or even just a better day, then to me, that is money well spent.

Here’s to 2007.  A year of transformation in the way I allocate my resources and view life around the world.

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

1.  I was standing in line at Caribou this week and the barista asked this guy in front of me the daily trivia question, “Who is the actor who starred in the Santa Claus?”  The guy says, “Oh, his name is Tim, but I can’t think of his last name.”  The barista looks at me and I answer, “Allen.  It’s Tim Allen.”  The guy in front of me thanks me for helping him with the triva (since I saved him $.10, or $.05 since I helped with 50% of the answer).  The barista tells me it’s his last visit to this Caribou because he just got a new job.  The guy proceeds to tell me where he is currently working.  We small talk for a few minutes and I resolved that people at Caribou are much friendlier during the day than later at night.  The barista called my drink, we exchanged the “Have a nice day!” and continued on our way.  The guy and his friend walk out the door and sit in the vehicle they borrowed from the dealership.  I sat next to the window, attempting to begin my “work from home” day.  I thought, “what if this guy walked back in and picked up where the converstaion left off? That would be crazy.”  A few minutes passed and the guy gets out of his vehicle and walks back into Caribou.  He glanced at me, but continued on his way to purchase another drink (apparenly the $49 he already spent, wasn’t enough).  Maybe on my next “work from home” day…

2.  I was driving home from work yesterday and I called my friend who typically expects my call between 4:30 – 5:00 every day.  I’m not sure how, but the convo slid directly into a topic on love.  Long story short, he’s giving up on love.  He has lost all hope and confidence in it and has no desire to ever pursue it.  What happened to his story and his experience that would create such a negative attitude towards something with enough power to change the world? 

Would it make it any easier if there was an availability code we all wore?  You know, the code would convey a message we wanted to send.  Such as,

“Not interested. Don’t even try.”
“I have a boyfriend.”
“I’m married.”
“I’d like to get to know you.”

Some days, it would be great to have a code that revealed the truth — that somehow, it would make the whole dating process easier.

There’s this group of single girls I know and a couple weeks ago they declared, “We’re hot, single, beautiful, happening gals with everything a hot guy doesn’t deserve. Ha. Who wouldn’t want to date us?!”  But people occassionally tell them that guys are intimidated by them.  What does that mean?!  Personally, I guess it’s worth the wait to meet a guy who actually has the courage or the … to ask one of these ‘intimidating’ girls out on a date. 

I suppose the ‘availability code’ would only add to the game that we don’t want to play and would probably make the chase and pursuit less exciting.  After all, what do people really have to lose? 

Until then, we’ll keep doing the rules — even when our friends & parents think it’s nuts…

I have a friend who has been struggling with the same obsession for a long time.  I don’t think she knows how it started or why it is even considered a disease today.  But she struggles.  Every day.  Every minute.  Within the year, we have tried many different methods to help each other overcome concerns in our lives.

September was defining moment for me.  I decided I was done — things have to change.  Since then, it’s been a fairly consistant journey.  I was making progress.  Yet, she wasn’t. 

I was thinking about why it’s so hard to kick some habits and why some people can quit cold turkey and experience immediate success.  Surely we have great ability to do the same thing, yet so often we fail to approach it from the right perspective.

I think she’s lived with this disorder for so long, she really can’t imagine what life would be like without it.  Does she really believe she can live without something that has secretly defined her for so long?

I know change is difficult and I know it’s difficult to take steps to change behavior.  We get so caught up on what day we’re on — that we’re more focused on the bad fruit that is growing on the tree and how we can make it better.  We try to change the fruit by doing silly little things to the fruit or the branch, rather than focusing on the root system of the tree.  Think about it, if the root system is unhealthy, the tree will produce unhealthy fruit.  However, if the root system is strong, it will produce healthy fruit.  Fruit you and I would be proud to display at the market.

My theory in modifying behavior is that it begins inside.  It begins with the heart and those inward qualities and traits we want to refine and make better.  Then maybe when we get to Day 19 and you fall short of making your goal, you don’t have to start over to Day 1, but you can pick yourself up and keep going.  One apple fell from the tree.  It didn’t damage the whole root system.  Just the one apple.  But don’t overlook what one bad apple can do to a barrel of good apples…

Almost nine years ago, I played a role in a drama while in Argentina.  Deep inside, I secretly wanted this role to come true one day.  I wanted more than anything to advance into the future to see how it would all unfold.  There were a few markers along the way.  Various conferences, weddings, & vacations was enough time to really know if that dream was something I still wanted.  Year six was difficult.  My attention was directed else where and I did all I could to hang on.  I made it through to year seven and I made myself try to believe the timing was perfect.  Situations came together and it all seemed right.  I decided I couldn’t write the story any better.  But with any story, a series of events began to unfold and I soon found myself standing on my deck, not really wanting what I had wanted for so long. 

It didn’t make any sense.  Time was all I had to give.  Now I’m on year nine.  Finding myself in certain situations has only been enough for me to wonder once again, if I really didn’t want what I had wanted for so many years.  I took some action and waited.  Time was all I had to receive.  I just wanted to know.

As much as I wanted to know, I didn’t want to know.  But the time had finally arrived.  I clicked and I read.  My assumptions were confirmed.  The chances of wanting to know for sure was officially over.  My time ran out. 

To the beginning in Argentina, and all the books, car rides, random meetings, and to the years that hold every story — I hope a story like this will be written again.  And because I know how it would end, I’d play the character a little bit differently.